There is a quote I read at one point in my life, “so we women can sail safely home.” It was from an ancient Greek story. I don’t remember the context, but I feel it in my bones.
I sail out on the open sea with my wooden sailboat, sturdy, sleek and streamlined in solitude. Meditation, silence, me and the inner sea of my mind. With each breath I calm the turbulent waves of mental activity that moves my mind. The mind moves and restlessness arises. Without judgment I experience an inner restlessness. An emotion arises from underneath and carries the wind as if igniting emotions I want to bring back down into balance. What is this inner movement of thought & emotion? Let go. Let go.
Good meditation – bad meditation. Cease judgment on this, please. Perhaps your worst meditation is your best meditation.
Sailing safely home is a metaphor for learning to be embodied right here right now, balanced in my mind, heart and belly. Sometimes life is that way, the restlessness covers an emotion that I have been running from for a very long time. Meditation helps with slowing the process down. Breathing in breathing out. Count to 8. Do it again. Why is this so difficult right now? If I keep breathing in 8 counts, after a series of three, a layer of tension releases. Then another layer. Tears arise. I become aware of a sense of powerlessness. I become aware of an incessant need to control, my environment, anything, my kitchen. Can we ever control anything? Another illusion. I start to weep. Didn’t know this was waiting to be released, without identifying with any thing that arises, because it will dissolve, I experience a greater sense of openness and a freedom. Thoughts arise, then dissolves. Emotions arise then dissolves. Notice how they come and go?
I feel a pattern of tension release from my ribs, thoracic, I can breath easier. This continues as I do a body scan of where I am holding in my body, then I make a conscious choice to just let go.
I am sailing safely home to my inner harbor.